7/3/09 - Flying Without Wings

Everybody is looking for that something.
One thing that makes it all complete.
You find in the strangest places,
places you never knew it could be.

Some find it in the face of their children.
Some find it in their lovers eyes.
Who can't deny the joy it brings,
when you find that special thing.

Your flying without wings.


I couldn't find the right words to start off tonight's post until I listened to a favorite song I have not heard in years. I have really been at a loss of words lately and it breaks my heart because I so badly want to say something positive, something emotional and something that just touches your heart beyond belief.

And well, thanks to that song...I did.

I realized that Kayleigh's love makes me fly without wings. I am saddened at times to wrap my arms around my chest, missing her warm body, her chubby arms and her stinky farts. I just know that she is up in Heaven, sharing her love with so many up there and it makes me feel so great to know that this precious miracle was my little girl.

I tell myself when I am sad and missing her that Kayleigh helped put smiles on so many faces and she made many people realize how awesome God is and how much He loves us. That makes me so proud that I feel that I am flying without wings.

I look at Kayleigh's photos, I could remember that exact time when I shared that special moment with her. One of my favorites is this one below where I could tell she sees me and reaches for my pinkie as comfort covers her soul as her Daddy is there to take care of her. You can see it in my eyes, you could almost feel it in my heart, but I am flying without wings.



When I get in the car and I listen to a song that reminds me of Kayleigh, I praise God for the time He allowed me to share with Kayleigh. I praise God for the Doctors and Nurses (below photo) who worked diligently to give us those ten and half months with Kayleigh. I praise God so much that my heart is jumping out of my chest and tears nearly roll down my face. I am flying without wings.



When I sat at the pool the other week just after my butterfly post, I had two butterflies land on each one of my big toes. I knew that Kayleigh was making friends in Heaven and she wanted to show off her Daddy. It made me feel so special as they sat there with me for over 20 minutes and if they hopped off for a second, they came right back. I could feel Kayleigh hugging me from Heaven and giving me butterfly kisses. Thinking about that moment...I am flying without wings.

I know that when Aimee is holding Kayleigh, she is feeling this special moment as I do. You can see how much love is shown in this photo and I know in time, you will be seeing this special moment again in Heaven. Every now and then, you will see Aimee close her eyes too and grab her chest. This is what she is feeling...she is flying without wings.



God's greatest gift is love and from the depths of my heart, I can still enjoy my life knowing that Kayleigh will always remain in my heart everywhere I go. No matter what I am doing, all I have to do is close my eyes and remember what her precious body felt like in my arms and I can feel the love shoot through my whole body. A sense beyond anything you can see or smell races through me, my stomach fills with butterflies and like a gravity pull, my cheeks extend outward as a warm smile blasts across my face. I am certainly flying without wings.

God, Thank you for allowing me to fly without wings.

Happy 4th of July everyone. Please be safe and know that we love you ALL!

God Bless,

84 comments:

Joanne said...

Beautiful post. You are a very gifted writer Adam. Thank you for opening your heart for all of us here.

Elizabeth said...

that was amazing!

Suzi said...

I miss reading your posts. I hope that you guys are doing well and I think of you often. God Bless you and your family! Happy 4th sweet family!

Kellen & Becca Farmer said...

beautiful...

Ms. Sarah said...

beautiful post. Your family continues to be in our prayers. I hope you are finding some peace and comfort.

pattisgo said...

I am so greatful for your strenght. I talk to my patients about Kayleigh form time to time. I am so gretful for the love she showed to all of us. I hope Amy & you are full of peace. I an not imagine how your life has changed & all of the emotions you go through. Just know that your family has touched so many & I hug & kiss my girls more b/c of "our angel".
Patti ( MMT mom )

Sharon said...

such an incredible & uplifting post .. thank you for continuing to share .. i l♥ve your positive outlook and i agree .. she is definitely up in Heaven wanting to show off her daddy!!

Debbie - NZ said...

OMG Adam that is an amazing amazing post...i am sitting here with tears in my eyes....that was sooooo beautiful...Lots of love to you all from Debbie and family.

April Swarthout said...

Happy 4th to your family. A few weeks ago we were at the local pool for a party and my brother-In-Law caught a butterfly in his hat for my son (2) to see and the first thing i thought about was Kayleigh.

April
Arkansas

neenee1971 said...

Sending love and thank yous to you and your family for sharing your precious angel with us. I truly believe we all flew without wigs when we met her

Jen H said...

Thank you for that beautiful post. I think of your family often...God Bless you and have a fun 4th of July.

Sarah, Adam and Mercedes said...

awesome post :) thank you

Analiza said...

You always have this amazing way to share somber moments in a positive light.

I hope you and Aimee know just how much of an inspiration to us all here who have lost someone along the way.

Memories are such powerful reminders of loved ones lost and you certainly are flying without wings - a power so many of us are still trying to learn.

God Bless and Happy 4th of July =)

Kathryn @ Expectant Hearts said...

Beautiful post.. Our son Seth went to Heaven in October at 6 1/2 months of age.. I"m sure he & Kayleigh are playing! Their special love does fuel us to fly without wings!

Patty mcmommy said...

Oh such a beautiful post! I love to see the words you write, like about the butterflies! I think that it was from Kayleigh and I am so happy you were able to feel it!

margaret said...

I admire your faith and love for your family Adam. I wish I could remember my son with joy instead of a deep aching sadness that he's not here with me anymore. You give me hope that maybe someday in my journey I will reconcile with God and become joyous about Calvin being in His presence instead of resentful about it. You and Amy are beautiful parents, thank you for sharing your love for Kayleigh and your struggles with us. You've truly changed my life...

Hope said...

Absolutely Beautiful Adam!!!!! God Bless......

john said...

Such a touching writer you are. I will keep you and your family in my prayers. You know that your little girl is being very well taken care of.

April said...

What a beautiful post, Adam. Such precious words for a precious little girl that touched us all. You will forever fly without wings until you receive a pair of your own - and know she will be there to watch them grow :)

April & Jackson

Bev said...

God Bless You...that was so sweet!!

jag said...

Beautifully stated. Kayleigh has really made such a wonderful difference in the world. Thank you for sharing.

Hanna's Mommy said...

Simply beautiful and well-said Adam...as always! Thank you for continuing to share!

Ronda said...

What a wonderful message. I'm so glad you continue writing on this blog. It warms my heart every time I look at it. Have a wonderful 4th of July!

Tage Daniel Carrier said...

That was a beautiful post. We continue to think of you often.
Take Care

Justin, Kolby, Tage, and Huntlie
Bozeman, MT

Jenny said...

I'm always so excited to see that you've posted- this is beautiful! It's so hard to look at the pictures, but I'm happy you put them up- I like being reminded of your miracle and the work that God did and how it touched my life ;-) May God continue to bless you- keep writing!!

Mandi said...

Your post made me cry. You know how to write, that is for sure. Your Kayleigh has to be one of the most beautiful angels in heaven(she does come from good stock :)

My son Nicholas is 11 months old this week. I had to go into his room, while he was sleeping, just to tell him I love him after I read this post. You sure can't tell your kids that enough can you?

I hope you have a good/swell/awesome Independence Day with your family :)

Jennifer said...

Wow....that was a beautiful post!

Thanks for sharing the butterfly story...so bittersweet.

Hope you and your family have a safe 4th as well.

Lacy's Family said...

Amazing and inspirational post. I miss reading about Kayleigh and seeing her pictures. I admire your strength to go on.

wicker0407 said...

Here I am crying again I am always filled with so much emotion every single time I visit this blog. I miss Kayleigh so much. You are such an amazing family. My heart still aches over your baby girl who really changed my life. Please continue to blog we all miss you very much. God Bless, your family is in my prayers and sweet Kayleigh will forever have a piece of my heart!
Summer & Family in California

Just an ordinary woman said...

What a beautiful post...Thank you for sharing it with us!

Kerren
South Africa

Tamara aka Cheapskate Mom said...

Beautiful. So touching. I am always looking for signs that we have life after we die. Thank you for sharing the butterfly story. This helps to increase my faith at a time it is down. I cannot imagine the emptiness your arms must feel as you hold your chest and miss your beautiful daughter. my heart aches for your sadness but rejoices in the light that Kayleigh has left in your hearts and ours.

Bless you.

Kelli said...

Bless you Adam and Aimee. A beautiful post...thank you for sharing. We miss sweet Kayleigh and please know that we love you dearly in Christ. I look forward to the day where we are all together in heaven with Kayleigh and all of the angels (Max Edward Oct 95-June 96) who have gone before us.

God bless,
Kelli
ugottafriend.com

Anonymous said...

Your beautiful Kayleigh is so much a part of my life now. I look at your blog everyday to see what is on your heart and this one (as well as all the others) brought tears to my eyes. You have such strenght. I pray for you and Aimee everyday and can not imagine the pain you must feel. But we know that Kayleigh has her wings in heaven and is soaring with Jesus!!!!

thegilbreathfam said...

*Hugs* I love your stories about the butterflies. Amazing. what a sweet thing for you to have a way to really feel a tactile connection with Kayleigh. She will NEVER leave your hearts or ours.
Happy Independance Day....another reason we are all SO blessed. Thank you Lord that we are all FREE. That we were born in a country where we have maternal care and NICU's!
Hope you get to enjoy the fireworks with your family...and know that kayleigh gets to watch from above and see ALL the fireworks!

Anonymous said...

Beautiful post, that was so touching. I really missed sweet Kayleigh. Hope you'll continue to update us with your family.

God Bless and We love you too!

IYA
LPC PH

TheSooner7 said...

We still think of you and pray for you often. I loved reading your post tonight, it was touching. I cannot imagine going through what you all have and being so strong, yet I know with God all things are possible. Through you God will keep on using her to bless people.
God bless you :)

mrs. mari said...

adam, it is good to see you post. and this was an amazing post.

have you considered writing a book about your experience with kayleigh? you have a gift, of writing, to share.

Marielle said...

Thanks for sharing

Michele said...

I know that your sweet daughter is playing with my sons and daughter in heaven... What a wonderful day it will be to see them and hold them again.

Blessed Mom of 8 said...

Beautiful post! May we all continue to fly without wings! May we all rejoice in the hope of the coming of our LORD! May we all sit at His feet knowing He is good all of the time! Praying for that feeling to never leave you and Aimee!

Blessings and love this holiday weekend!
Jill

Babs said...

Aimee and Adam,

I was thinking of you guys the other day and hoping you were getting on better than expected, one day at a time.
Flying without wings and butterfly kisses is heaven sent, without a doubt.
I understand closing your eyes and feeling.........
Thank you for sharing your precious moments.
Barbara

Crystal said...

Thank you for sharing,as always your post brought tears to my eyes.
I know your probably not into the show So You Think You Can Dance, but I like it. I was watching it Thurday when the solos were being performed and one solo was to the song Somewhere Over the Rainbow, the version on Kayleigh's blog. It hit me like a ton of bricks, my heart/mind became heavy with thoughts of Kayleigh.
Hope you guys have a wonderful 4th of July! I am sure Kayleigh will be enjoying the fireworks up in Heaven.God Bless!

Meredith said...

beautiful post, you are a such a talented writer. you and your family remain in our prayers. God bless.

Ang said...

thank you

Kemp and Remis mommy said...

Very awesome post adam... Flying without wings... They always say that monarch butterflies come back as those you lost... I believe that as well... I lost my step dad and my aunt about 5 years back.. an month exactly apart, and I swear they visit me often together... Im at the lake there are butterflies right on my blanket, or at an art fair, they are always around me, its amazing... such a great post

~Paisley's Mommy~ said...

That was beyond beautiful. Thank you for sharing! Wishing yall a very safe and Happy 4th of July!

Dieue2 said...

God bless you!! What a beautiful post. Thank you for sharing!

Kelly @ The Beauty of Sufficient Grace said...

Beautiful...thank you for this beautiful post from your beautiful daddy-heart. Still praying for all of you...

kiddiescorner said...

What a beautiful post. Your family is still in my thoughts daily. Happy 4th to all of you! God Bless you

Michelle Jamie said...

The other day i sat with my children watching Charlets Web and just allowed the credits to roll and heard one of what I call Kayleigh's songs...It caught me so off guard that the tears almost chocked me. It was great to hear (read) the blessings you are still receiving through Kayleigh. It did move me with those chocking tears but positive tears not overwhelming sadness.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for sharing such beautiful post. You're in my Prayers...and know that not a day goes by that I don't think of sweet Kayleigh. Happy 4th of July.
Malessa

Jessica said...

Still thinking and praying for you all.

Rebecca said...

Beautiful. Thank you for the amazing picture of a parent's love....flying without wings. Your tender heart brings me to tears.

scrappy quilter said...

Beautiful. What an awesome picture of a parent's love. The pictures are priceless and speak volumes. Continued prayers.

Jennifer said...

Such sweet and oh so very true the words you've written! May God continue to give you peace. God Bless!!!

Allison said...

Happy 4th to you and Aimee as well. I know that holidays have got to be the hardest! It was great looking back at those precious photos! God Bless you both!

Sara said...

A simply beautiful post.

The other day I was at the pool. There was something flying around my chair and when I finally caught a glimpse I saw that it was a big, beautiful butterfly. It immediately make me think of my Samuel - and Kayleigh. They are our little special angels in Heaven, along with all of the other babies that have entered there.

Katie said...

Happy July 4th, Freemans! What a moving post, Adam. The butterfly story is incredible. Keeping you in my prayers.

Heather said...

Absolutly beautiful post Adam. You all are in my thoughts and prayers always and I thank you for this. Baby Kayleigh will always be loved and missed.

Amanda said...

Thank you so much for being so open with all of your readers. It shows you're a real person and you hurt, and it's so normal, but that through your faith in God, you know one day you'll be happily reunited with Kayleigh. I just want you to know that you and your family sharing your journey has touched me more than you'll ever know, and it has really helped me put a lot of things in perspective, it's amazing to see your faith so strong in such a crazy situation when I easily lose my faith over something so much less! Thanks again, and your family is definitely still in my thoughts and prayers daily!

Anonymous said...

Hugs to you all. Please take care of each other. We continue to pray.

Anonymous said...

this post just make me cry. I miss Kayleigh too. Hope she is happy in Heaven, smiling down to us right now..

jan kessler said...

You and Amy are incredible. Your faith has touched so many people. Kayleigh has touched so many people. When I see butterflies it does not matter who I am with I say oh that is Little Kayleigh from Heaven. I think of you guys often and pray for you guys also. Adam you have a special gift of writing. You are a special Daddy. Amy is a special Mom. Sharing your life with Kayleigh has helped so many people and I continue to share the story with my students and my patients. Take care.

Mommato2miracles said...

Amazing! And thank you! My heart aches for those moments that you are missing with your dear sweet Kayleigh, but my soul rejoices knowing that good bye is not forever and that one day soon you will be reunitied with your beautiful little angel

Trennia said...

I am blog hopping...I have read your story it breaks my heart...praying for your family.

Tammy On the Go said...

it's so weird to miss a little girl that I never got to meet, but I do, I miss her...

COUNTRY MOM said...

What a beautiful post, Thank you for sharing your life with everyone. Many Blessings,

Anonymous said...

Beautiful post, Adam - you're such a natural at conveying the feelings of a moment... Seeing those photos, it's so hard to believe Kayleigh is no longer here.
Still look forward to your posts, all the best to you and your family.

grandma mac said...

As I celebrated my "birth/earthday" today, the 3rd ( I am writing this a few days later), I realized AGAIN how special each of my children, grandchildren and MY life means. Each morning that I wake, I thank God for this special gift, and I, having the dearest of family members that have passed, treasure the 'gifts' that I am sent symbolizing the special things that they meant to me....smells, and yes, butterflies. I realize that the veil is thin, and I treasure that...and I know, someday, I will be reunited with them...but the 'gifts' that they send, make me realize that I am never alone and that makes me truly happy in this journey that I need to finish....Praying always for your family, and smiles upon smiles.......

Anonymous said...

Hi Adam, that was such a beautiful post. It nearly brought tears to my eyes. Especially when you talked about the butterflies landing on your toes. I to know that it was Kayleigh showing her daddy off. Iam glad you guys seem to be doing ok and just wanted to let you know that you and your family are in my prayers. Hope u guys had a good 4th.

Lindsey Barham said...

Freeman's:
As I was drivign to wk today yall were on my mind and just how much Kayleigh has helped me and shown me so much. Then when I get to wk I read this awesome post that fits so perfectly. Thanks and we love you and never stop thinking and praying for you.

Kim M said...

Thank you Adam for your openness - cannot imagine the emotional roller coaster ride you and Aimiee and the children are on. We, your readers, miss your posts and your family. Thank you for sharing.

Anonymous said...

Once again I find myself in tears reading your post.
Those wonderfully, beautiful memories of Kayleigh so precious. Thank you for sharing them.

God Bless

Mama4Real said...

I just don't understand the way He does things sometimes. My heart aches for your loss.

Anonymous said...

Amazing post Adam.. Once again you I'm in tears. OH how I miss sweet baby girl Kayleigh. Thank you for sharing the momories.

Dalila from NJ

E @ Scottsville said...

You don't have to work to come up with something touching for US, Adam. Seriously. You've already touched our lives. Just sharing your life with us is touching and you don't have to work at it or be eloquent. Just be you and we just enjoy hearing that your family is doing okay and getting through this together.

Hope your 4th of July was a great one. Ours was!

jlwgator said...

Wow. Just wow.

mommaof4wife2r said...

so, yesterday a butterfly landed on our window and just sat there for ryan and i to watch and i mentioned your story to ryan. amazing how when you stop and feel and look...god's love is all around. my heart is still aching for loss of k's life her eon earth, yet still rejoicing for her completeness and life she has eternally in and with jesus.

Jenifer said...

Beautiful post...I have to say I think about yall often I come check the blog to see if you have posted ...

Anonymous said...

Great post. This is kind of a personal question but are you guys thinking of ever having kids again? I understand if this is to personal to answer. Hugs to you all, freeman family. Happy 4th. I miss Kayleigh too. She touched a lot of people in her short time here. I cant wait to meet her.

~alayna

ChatterScene.com said...

Beautiful post! You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

Anonymous said...

I realy feel for your family. When I first read about your dear and unfortunante Kaeleigh I cried for more than ten minutes, I am only twelve years old and I wish that I could undrstand the full meaning of having a child and then to have it passaway. I also now a few others that have cried for your dear and beloved Kayleigh. I wish you and your family all the best for the future.

dragonflyz in June said...

Beautiful words for a beautiful girl! Your gift of the written word has brought tears to my eyes again. Kayleigh has forever touched my heart and I continue to pray for you all. She is missed and loved by so many. God Bless

Crystal

Tea With Tiffany said...

Beautiful. Thank you