Negativity or Strength

Some people have asked me lately how I can be so strong after losing my daughter only a short year ago and after replying to a Facebook message today, it dawned on me as to why that is the case.

I feel like the time that I would spend crying out to the world to comfort my sorrows is wasted time to share God's love, strength and beauty. When you think of God's image, do you see Him crying, complaining, angry or anything negative, or do you see Him as strong, filled with love and filled with all the right words to say to anyone with a question?

Do I miss Kayleigh? YES!!! Do I long to hold her one more time? YES!!! Do I ever cry when I think about her? YES!!! BUT, something I have always kept in the forefront of my mind is a guy that I used to work with back at Frito Lay nearly 14 years ago. Every time I saw him, he had a smile on his face. Everytime I asked him how he was doing, he would say.."I am truly blessed." There was no way this guy could be in a good mood every single day, let alone any single day because I know exactly how I and everyone else felt working the same exact job he was doing.

When I finally got the nerve to ask him why he was always in a good mood. He said because I have Jesus in my life. This was long before I ever became a Christian, but it stuck with me from then on. I always told myself, I wanted to be like that guy because I view him as a strong and happy person. Honestly, no matter what the sad/depressing/angry story is, it only is going to bring someone else sorrow or anger or pain. Not to mention, who really cares if you are in a bad mood when the universal question of asking how someone's day is going is as common as changing your underwear. Well, maybe it is...for some of you. lol

Look at these two differences....How do you think it will affect you if someone continued to cry out all there problems to the world. You may listen for a while, but then it actually wears you out and then before too long, you are ignoring or hiding from that person because all they do is whine. would you react to someone who knows that only God is the one who can fix their problems or atleast lead them to a specialist who can fix their problems (In which you still don't hear about it). You would see this person as positive, strong, uplifting and maybe you would want to be more like that person because isn't anything negative in this world considered sin??? Fear not and trust the Lord. Isn't that what God tells us.

Now in no way am I perfect at this, but I have learned through experience that you don't have to be perfect at anything...just try your best. I have and always will try to live a life without negativity as it gets you nowhere and it prevents you from doing the great works of God. Now don't get me wrong, I am not saying Kayleigh is a negative one tiny bit...but I am not going to let my selfishness of wanting her back in my life so bad that it ruins my day or causes me to harm my body or others through depression when I could be touching other lives with God's word. A day wasted crying over the fact that she is no longer here is a day wasted to lift another soul up to see the great things our Lord is made of. What if someone watching you, reading your words, or seeing your actions was on the fence of giving their life to Christ. Am I going to be a drama queen and show that person any kind of weakness when I need to be acting in the image of our Lord? NEGATIVE GHOST RIDER!!!! (For all you Top Gun fans)

I keep in mind that the life we live on earth is but a grain of sand compared to the life we will have in eternity. Waiting 60 more years (hopefully) to save so many more lives here on earth seems like there is actually not a lot of time left, but eternity allows me to spend every waking moment for the rest of my life with Kayleigh and my family who has gone before me. I can wait as it will just make the homecoming filled with much more anticipation than it already is....and when I get to Heaven, then I will let the tears "of joy" flow.

Last but not least...Kayleigh touched more lives with God's word without speaking a single word of her own. Aimee and I may have written this blog, but without Kayleigh's strong heart and determination, you wouldn't have been touched by her story. I give Kayleigh all the credit, but then it tells me I have a voice of my own and I have ways to reach others, so what am I going to do that amounts to the blessing my daughter did for so many others? You might say it's not a competition, but if God made me an athlete and a competitor, then Kayleigh certainly set the bar high for me to achieve such an ounce of a blessing she has been to others.

So, my first step has been to release things that hold me back from being the best Christian that God created me to be. Negativity was certainly one of them and I hope it is for you too because this is about Kayleigh...and nothing else.

"Kayleigh, I am so proud of you for the life you lived and the lives you touched. You have given me a newfound strength and I am beyond blessed that God gave you to me. I know times are tough down here, but just know that I love you so much and I will not allow any negativity change the way I share your beautiful story. You are a gift to all of us and it is all about you on this blog. Because of you, we have been able to touch more and more people's lives. Your story has helped me be more selfless and change people's lives through fitness and Mommy has been able to touch people's lives through her blog and on Facebook. We will never let your story subside sweetheart as your strength and determination will touch more and more lives until the day that I see you in Heaven. But even then, I know there will be others who will carry on your story. You are just that special my sweet butterfly. We ALL love you so much!"

God Bless,


April said...

thank you for sharing this today. It was something I needed to hear... which proves your point to the fullest.

Autumn said...

Beautiful! Thank you for sharing. :)

Beth said...

The way I look at things are who are they to question how you grieve?! So what if you don't cry every single day. It doesn't matter how many tears you shed, that won't change the situation and it doesn't mean that you love Kayleigh anymore than you love her now.

Jenny said...

I just wanted to say i think of Kayleigh and the freeman family often. Your journey has touched my heart and continues too. You are all so strong. God bless you all.

jan kessler said...

Kayleigh touched so many lives and you and Aimee have touched so many lives. It is amazing that the things we go through here on earth makes us stronger and helps us to help others. I getting myself in place for God's next move in my life and those He wants me to minister to.

Love you guys,


TheSooner7 said...

Thinking and praying for you often. What a blessing Kayleigh continues to be...

Unknown said...

You have a lot of the same thoughts I have. I feel like God is the only one who can help a person get through such difficult times, so why turn to others? Although, connecting with others who have been there or are IN the same situation is a great thing. If offers you the chance to share your peace, and strength with those who need it in hope you may bring a lost soul to the Lord. I even at times questioned myself after losing our girls. I couldn't figure out how I was so at peace with things. I soon come to realize that the Lord was answering my prayers and quickly. He gave me the strength I asked for, the peace I asked for and the comfort I asked for. He said ask and you shall receive. I did just that and His word stood true.

I think about Kayleigh often. She may no longer be here but she will continue to touch lives here on earth forever more!!

Unknown said...

Thank you for that post it helps encourage me to be a better Christian. Your family is so inspiring to so many!!!!

May God continue to bless you every single day!!